When is a Crisis Not a Crisis?

Ok. I am back. I checked out for a while because the household has been mayhem since my teenager got back. It's not just her, though, it's all of us. During her 10 month absence, the family dynamic shifted and now we are in another transition period. Everyone is settling in but these things take time. Plus I am getting used to feeding 5 people instead of 3 and don't even get me started about the laundry! Anyway, it is transition that I have been thinking about the most lately. You know those times in your life when you feel unsettled? You want a change or to shake things up but don't know what or how? That's what this year is about for me. I know it sounds like a typical mid-life crisis but I have a theory about this.

First of all, let me say that I think men have gotten a bad rap on the mid-life crisis front. The stereotypical younger woman, sports car crap aside, I think it is human nature to take stock of our lives and want to reset some of our goals or create a new path for ourselves. Part of it comes from the phase of life we are historically in by the time we are in our mid-40s. The kids are more independent and nearly grown, we are confident and mature in our careers and as our teens begin to transition into adulthood and begin to pursue their dreams, we are reminded of the hopes and dreams we once had for ourselves. We review the choices we have made and ask ourselves if we have achieved what we really wanted. If we made sacrifices and compromises, it makes sense that this is the time for us to decide if we want to pursue the things we missed out on or create a new vision for ourselves. There is also this paradox we reach where our experience and maturity gives us confidence but we are more fearful of risk and change at the same time. Combined, I think this creates the perfect storm that we have labeled the "mid-life crisis".

In my case, this is a little more tricky because we are going through this phase with our teenager, but now have a 3 year old and 7 month old to care for. Regardless of the added complexity, I think the time is still right for a rediscovery. I can't be the same parent to my 3 year old now as I was to my 3 year old 13 years ago; I'm not the same person. I have evolved into a different "me" over time. Believe it or not, I am more calm and more patient than I was 15 years ago (though no less intense). I know, scary.

This begs the question, "when is a crisis not a crisis?".  You don't have to be 40 years old to know that the only constant in life is change. As a species, a lot of our heartache comes from trying to hold onto things the way they are even though we know that change is inevitable. I would argue that we hit mid-life and the changes are so dramatic that we call it a crisis period but what we should be calling it is a rebirth. For some reason, we have no right of passage for this time in our lives and I have discovered that by designating this as the year of me, I have created my own right of passage. I am giving myself permission to be reborn (not in a religious sense) and rediscover what I love about life. I am giving myself permission to reassess my goals and determine whether or not they are still relevant. That's not a scary idea, it's an exhilarating one! Why are we so afraid to embrace this phase of our lives? Why isn't it as exciting as our 18th birthday or graduating from college or the birth of our first child? Are we any less alive now than we were 20 years ago? Are our dreams any less important? I have no intention of sitting back and letting the next 40 years just slip by because I am afraid of what other people will think. Failure and success don't have more or less meaning now than they did when I was younger.

I am starting a movement to get rid of the phrase "mid-life crisis" and replace it with "mid-life celebration". It's time to let go of the stereotypes and embrace the reality of our age. There are some things I miss about being 20 but they mostly revolve around the issues I have with gravity. The truth is that as we get older, we realize we can consciously create the things for ourselves now that were given to us freely in our youth. Maybe that's how the system works - we have to be fearless and have boundless energy and enthusiasm when we are young or we would all die off by 25. Once we grow and mature, we replace those with our intentional energy and enthusiasm and our life becomes more meaningful. As far as I am concerned, that is a transition worth celebrating and I intend to embrace the hell out of it.