Humility is a word we don't hear very often. To be honest, it's not a word I discovered the real meaning of until recent years. That's not to say that I am arrogant (though I can be sometimes and it isn't pretty); I just didn't understand the value of it. There is something intrinsically beautiful about encountering a person who is humble. As I sit here and think about my experiences, I can probably count on one hand the number of people I have met who were truly humble. I remember each and every one of them and even though there are some I am no longer in touch with, my respect for them is as strong as the day I met them. They are people who left an indelible mark on my life.
So, why is it so valuable to be humble? I am struggling to put it into words. I know that there are occasions where I have felt humbled. For example, just last week I met a woman who is fighting yet another bout with cancer, she has no surviving husband or children and at 68 years old, she has discovered her true purpose in life. She shines with her joy, her eyes actually sparkle yet she has leukemia, is missing several organs and has a pace-maker. When I met her, I was instantly taken with her humility. I was in awe of her but she wasn't in awe of herself! She was just getting on with her life and she was loving every minute of it.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in how other people see us. I know I have spent my entire adult life trying to extricate myself from this trap. When I realized there was no "hero cookie" for life, it was a huge wake-up call for me. Doing things in your life that are not authentic might fool the people around you but you will always know the truth. If we are honest with ourselves, we can admit that we aren't being authentic and then do something about it. This is no easy feat but it has occurred to me that this is where true humility comes from.
The question is, why does it matter? Why is humility so important? I believe our egos add filters to our world view. The stronger the ego, the more filters. How we "see ourselves" affects how we see the outside world. Some of us have filters of anger and resentment and some of us are fearful. Some of us have filters of inadequacy and some of us have "rosie" filters. Some of us even have filters of invulnerability! Since these are related to how we see ourselves and not who we really are, they skew our view of the world. To be humble is a less filtered world view. It requires understanding and acceptance. When we are humble, we don't judge ourselves or others and we don't fill our minds with expectations. Our actions come from a place that is authentic and we treat others as though theirs are the same. That is why people with humility make us feel humble. They show us what is possible for ourselves.
If you have managed to stick with me this far, I am very impressed because I was getting a little preachy there. Don't worry, I'm not getting too big for my britches, I just wanted everyone to know that I am working on it. I get it. My life is a work in progress and this year I have sharpened my tools; precision is the name of the game. I also recognize that this is my journey and believe me when I tell you that I have no expectations for anyone else to come along for the ride but if you want to, I would sure be thrilled to have you with me!
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Thursday, 29 September 2011
The Four Seasons
Frankie Valli, the hotel chain, condoms (look it up, you will be amazed). With the exception of the condom company that I only discovered this morning, these are things that come to mind when the four seasons are mentioned if you were born before 1980. For everyone living in our beautiful country and regardless of age, it also means a change in weather patterns, daylight savings time and shedding or adding layers as required. It is now officially autumn and I find myself wanting to hold on to summer just a little bit longer. Thankfully the weather is cooperating but we all know it is inevitable: soon the snow will come and it will be time to hibernate.
I don’t know about the rest of you but I had a terrific summer. I worked hard and played hard, spent loads of time with friends and family, won some medals, read loads of books, spoiled my girls, travelled and generally had a great time. The complete lack of blog entries is a symptom of all the fun I was having and the carefree days I spent with my kids (with the exception of money issues which are the nemesis of every woman on maternity leave). I won’t lie to you; it was the summer I have always wanted. It would have been a dream summer if we were in a cottage by the lake and hubby was there with us, but beggars can’t be choosers. I also put aside my thinking cap for a couple of months and just embraced life. The noises in my head were somewhat muffled and I didn’t hear the incessant chatter or feel the need to plan everything. I was more spontaneous and relaxed and I loved every minute of it.
There are definitely some things I learned from this approach to life that I will carry forward but I find myself slowly and reluctantly being drawn by the siren call of winter. I have a love/hate relationship with winter. I hate being cold, driving on icy roads and wearing socks but I love the crisp clean air, brilliant sunshine, fireside chats and the crunch of snow underfoot (Bailey’s and coffee gets an honorable mention). What I find most attractive is the permission to become a hermit for a few months until I get cabin fever and start thinking The Young and the Restless is actually a reality tv show. This is the time of year I become melancholy and introspective and, oddly enough, it is also a time when I have historically experienced the most dramatic life changes. I look forward to starting new things to ease the heavy burden that comes with the cold and the darkness. Music lessons, workout videos, new classes and hot yoga are all winter undertakings for me. Eventually I will start craving the sound of baby birds and the smell of fresh grass and then before I know it, summer will be here and I will be able to rekindle my love for flip-flops.
My own life is so tied to these crazy seasons that I often wonder if I would go insane without them. Do you realize that the closer you live to the equator, the less change there is in the environment? Can you imagine the sun rising and setting at the same time 365 days a year? Temperature only fluctuating by 10 degrees, rain or shine? I don’t know if I could handle the “sameness” of it all. I love my seasons. I love it that my life cycle is tied into them. It gives me comfort and reminds me to be patient (yes, I am still working on that one) when I get anxious for a new phase in my life. This weekend I will pull out the winter boots, get ski suits for the kids and maybe a new jacket for me since mine is ancient, bring down the hat and glove box and take some time to say good-bye to a beautiful summer while welcoming the clean slate that winter brings. I am excited and apprehensive but mostly, I’m just thrilled to be here.
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Tits and Ass
That's right. I said "Tits and Ass". "Why?", you ask, slightly incredulous. Because life is too short to be serious all the time. Let me explain a little further.
Last night we had a guest coach for team practice. There is a big festival coming up and we have put ourselves under a lot of pressure to perform. The coach put us through our paces for an hour and a half and at the end of it we were tired but feeling strong and confident. Before we all went our separate ways for the evening we were given the opportunity to pick the coach's brain about our sport. All the questions and answers were incredibly well thought out and you could tell we had just had an extremely focused practice with our minds on winning some medals. After the question and answer period was over, the guest coach asked us who was going out for a beer after practice. A few hands went up and a few others, myself included, looked around first to see if anyone else was going before they would commit.
Noticing the hesitation in the group the coach said something I believe to be quite profound. I am going to paraphrase because I can't remember the exact wording but you will get the idea. "This part of team sports is very important. You have to leave all this intensity behind and hang out together outside of practice. Go for a beer and don't talk about your sport. Talk about tits and ass."
This got quite a mixed reaction from the group. Suffice it to say, there were some jaws open. It was outstanding! I didn't expect it, though I suspect our coach has heard it before and might have been prepared for it. The shock turned into humour and we were all joking about it immediately. One female on the team piped up right away with "We were just talking about that!" At the end, we did our team cheer, bid each other good night and agreed we would go for a quick beer and some wings to finish off the evening. When I arrived at the pub, there were already more people there than usually go for beers and that was only half of the group expected to arrive. We ended up with about 16 out of 23 people coming out for a beer. Usually we get about 8. I guess the coach got our attention. A few of us spent the first 15 minutes throwing Monty Python quotes at each other and laughing at our silliness and the joy of irreverent humour. We had fun! We enjoyed each others company and we didn't talk about our sport.
I learned a lot of great stuff at practice last night that will make me a better athlete and competitor. I also learned a tremendous life lesson. There is a time and a place to be serious. There is a time and a place for intensity. There is a time and a place to laugh at yourself and shed the burdens of your day. From now on, I am going to use the phrase "Tits and Ass" to check myself when things are getting unnecessarily serious and heavy or at the end of a period of intensity in my day. It's like Green Tea ice cream after Sushi. It refreshes, cleanses the palette and makes you smile.
Yep, I actually went there: "Tits and Ass" is the Green Tea ice cream of life.
Last night we had a guest coach for team practice. There is a big festival coming up and we have put ourselves under a lot of pressure to perform. The coach put us through our paces for an hour and a half and at the end of it we were tired but feeling strong and confident. Before we all went our separate ways for the evening we were given the opportunity to pick the coach's brain about our sport. All the questions and answers were incredibly well thought out and you could tell we had just had an extremely focused practice with our minds on winning some medals. After the question and answer period was over, the guest coach asked us who was going out for a beer after practice. A few hands went up and a few others, myself included, looked around first to see if anyone else was going before they would commit.
Noticing the hesitation in the group the coach said something I believe to be quite profound. I am going to paraphrase because I can't remember the exact wording but you will get the idea. "This part of team sports is very important. You have to leave all this intensity behind and hang out together outside of practice. Go for a beer and don't talk about your sport. Talk about tits and ass."
This got quite a mixed reaction from the group. Suffice it to say, there were some jaws open. It was outstanding! I didn't expect it, though I suspect our coach has heard it before and might have been prepared for it. The shock turned into humour and we were all joking about it immediately. One female on the team piped up right away with "We were just talking about that!" At the end, we did our team cheer, bid each other good night and agreed we would go for a quick beer and some wings to finish off the evening. When I arrived at the pub, there were already more people there than usually go for beers and that was only half of the group expected to arrive. We ended up with about 16 out of 23 people coming out for a beer. Usually we get about 8. I guess the coach got our attention. A few of us spent the first 15 minutes throwing Monty Python quotes at each other and laughing at our silliness and the joy of irreverent humour. We had fun! We enjoyed each others company and we didn't talk about our sport.
I learned a lot of great stuff at practice last night that will make me a better athlete and competitor. I also learned a tremendous life lesson. There is a time and a place to be serious. There is a time and a place for intensity. There is a time and a place to laugh at yourself and shed the burdens of your day. From now on, I am going to use the phrase "Tits and Ass" to check myself when things are getting unnecessarily serious and heavy or at the end of a period of intensity in my day. It's like Green Tea ice cream after Sushi. It refreshes, cleanses the palette and makes you smile.
Yep, I actually went there: "Tits and Ass" is the Green Tea ice cream of life.
Friday, 22 July 2011
When is a Crisis Not a Crisis?
Ok. I am back. I checked out for a while because the household has been mayhem since my teenager got back. It's not just her, though, it's all of us. During her 10 month absence, the family dynamic shifted and now we are in another transition period. Everyone is settling in but these things take time. Plus I am getting used to feeding 5 people instead of 3 and don't even get me started about the laundry! Anyway, it is transition that I have been thinking about the most lately. You know those times in your life when you feel unsettled? You want a change or to shake things up but don't know what or how? That's what this year is about for me. I know it sounds like a typical mid-life crisis but I have a theory about this.
First of all, let me say that I think men have gotten a bad rap on the mid-life crisis front. The stereotypical younger woman, sports car crap aside, I think it is human nature to take stock of our lives and want to reset some of our goals or create a new path for ourselves. Part of it comes from the phase of life we are historically in by the time we are in our mid-40s. The kids are more independent and nearly grown, we are confident and mature in our careers and as our teens begin to transition into adulthood and begin to pursue their dreams, we are reminded of the hopes and dreams we once had for ourselves. We review the choices we have made and ask ourselves if we have achieved what we really wanted. If we made sacrifices and compromises, it makes sense that this is the time for us to decide if we want to pursue the things we missed out on or create a new vision for ourselves. There is also this paradox we reach where our experience and maturity gives us confidence but we are more fearful of risk and change at the same time. Combined, I think this creates the perfect storm that we have labeled the "mid-life crisis".
In my case, this is a little more tricky because we are going through this phase with our teenager, but now have a 3 year old and 7 month old to care for. Regardless of the added complexity, I think the time is still right for a rediscovery. I can't be the same parent to my 3 year old now as I was to my 3 year old 13 years ago; I'm not the same person. I have evolved into a different "me" over time. Believe it or not, I am more calm and more patient than I was 15 years ago (though no less intense). I know, scary.
This begs the question, "when is a crisis not a crisis?". You don't have to be 40 years old to know that the only constant in life is change. As a species, a lot of our heartache comes from trying to hold onto things the way they are even though we know that change is inevitable. I would argue that we hit mid-life and the changes are so dramatic that we call it a crisis period but what we should be calling it is a rebirth. For some reason, we have no right of passage for this time in our lives and I have discovered that by designating this as the year of me, I have created my own right of passage. I am giving myself permission to be reborn (not in a religious sense) and rediscover what I love about life. I am giving myself permission to reassess my goals and determine whether or not they are still relevant. That's not a scary idea, it's an exhilarating one! Why are we so afraid to embrace this phase of our lives? Why isn't it as exciting as our 18th birthday or graduating from college or the birth of our first child? Are we any less alive now than we were 20 years ago? Are our dreams any less important? I have no intention of sitting back and letting the next 40 years just slip by because I am afraid of what other people will think. Failure and success don't have more or less meaning now than they did when I was younger.
I am starting a movement to get rid of the phrase "mid-life crisis" and replace it with "mid-life celebration". It's time to let go of the stereotypes and embrace the reality of our age. There are some things I miss about being 20 but they mostly revolve around the issues I have with gravity. The truth is that as we get older, we realize we can consciously create the things for ourselves now that were given to us freely in our youth. Maybe that's how the system works - we have to be fearless and have boundless energy and enthusiasm when we are young or we would all die off by 25. Once we grow and mature, we replace those with our intentional energy and enthusiasm and our life becomes more meaningful. As far as I am concerned, that is a transition worth celebrating and I intend to embrace the hell out of it.
First of all, let me say that I think men have gotten a bad rap on the mid-life crisis front. The stereotypical younger woman, sports car crap aside, I think it is human nature to take stock of our lives and want to reset some of our goals or create a new path for ourselves. Part of it comes from the phase of life we are historically in by the time we are in our mid-40s. The kids are more independent and nearly grown, we are confident and mature in our careers and as our teens begin to transition into adulthood and begin to pursue their dreams, we are reminded of the hopes and dreams we once had for ourselves. We review the choices we have made and ask ourselves if we have achieved what we really wanted. If we made sacrifices and compromises, it makes sense that this is the time for us to decide if we want to pursue the things we missed out on or create a new vision for ourselves. There is also this paradox we reach where our experience and maturity gives us confidence but we are more fearful of risk and change at the same time. Combined, I think this creates the perfect storm that we have labeled the "mid-life crisis".
In my case, this is a little more tricky because we are going through this phase with our teenager, but now have a 3 year old and 7 month old to care for. Regardless of the added complexity, I think the time is still right for a rediscovery. I can't be the same parent to my 3 year old now as I was to my 3 year old 13 years ago; I'm not the same person. I have evolved into a different "me" over time. Believe it or not, I am more calm and more patient than I was 15 years ago (though no less intense). I know, scary.
This begs the question, "when is a crisis not a crisis?". You don't have to be 40 years old to know that the only constant in life is change. As a species, a lot of our heartache comes from trying to hold onto things the way they are even though we know that change is inevitable. I would argue that we hit mid-life and the changes are so dramatic that we call it a crisis period but what we should be calling it is a rebirth. For some reason, we have no right of passage for this time in our lives and I have discovered that by designating this as the year of me, I have created my own right of passage. I am giving myself permission to be reborn (not in a religious sense) and rediscover what I love about life. I am giving myself permission to reassess my goals and determine whether or not they are still relevant. That's not a scary idea, it's an exhilarating one! Why are we so afraid to embrace this phase of our lives? Why isn't it as exciting as our 18th birthday or graduating from college or the birth of our first child? Are we any less alive now than we were 20 years ago? Are our dreams any less important? I have no intention of sitting back and letting the next 40 years just slip by because I am afraid of what other people will think. Failure and success don't have more or less meaning now than they did when I was younger.
I am starting a movement to get rid of the phrase "mid-life crisis" and replace it with "mid-life celebration". It's time to let go of the stereotypes and embrace the reality of our age. There are some things I miss about being 20 but they mostly revolve around the issues I have with gravity. The truth is that as we get older, we realize we can consciously create the things for ourselves now that were given to us freely in our youth. Maybe that's how the system works - we have to be fearless and have boundless energy and enthusiasm when we are young or we would all die off by 25. Once we grow and mature, we replace those with our intentional energy and enthusiasm and our life becomes more meaningful. As far as I am concerned, that is a transition worth celebrating and I intend to embrace the hell out of it.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Why Buddhists Have It Right
I had an epiphany this week. These are always a special treat but this week in particular got me thinking about the things in our lives we have to do.
Right now I am staying at home to look after our 6 month old baby. The other morning I got up and immediately starting rushing around. Let the dogs out and feed them, make the baby a bottle, make the 3 year old her morning porridge, eat some toast, make a coffee, do my workout, have a shower.... My day starts as a running list of all the things that have to be done before I can do what I want to do. It struck me that this might be a problem since these are the things that have to be done every day. Making dinner, putting the kids to bed with jammies and stories.....Laundry? All the time. Change the sheets? Every week (ahem). Cut the lawn? Sweep the floors? Clean the bathrooms? Do the dishes? Shop for groceries? The list is endless once you add in paying bills, Dr. and dental appointments, pet care, workouts, travel time, etc. These are the things we have to do that never get done for good. Once you do them, you know they have to be repeated at some time in the near future. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
For many of us, myself included with the exception of this year's maternity leave, this has to be done around our work schedule. I mean, holy crap, no wonder people are so tired and cranky. If you were to divide up the amount of hours for work, sleep, fun and home/family/personal care, I think a typical week would look something like this: Work - 50 hours; Sleep - 49 hours; Family/home/personal - 40; Leisure/fun/relaxation - 29. This means that only 17% of our time is spent doing things that are not obligatory! Just for the record, I am including commute and lunch time in the work hours and workouts in the personal (the fact that staying fit is considered optional is a problem all by itself!). If that's the case and we know that work, sleep and home/family obligations are part of an endless cycle, why do we torment ourselves with the endless drive toward enjoying the things for which we have the least amount of time?
This is where the Buddhists come in. Consider that time spent in a monastery is made up almost completely of sleep, work and meditation. Where is the leisure time? When do the monks get to have fun? The answer is: They are having fun all the time! This is a shocking idea to those of us who go through our day checking off lists and waiting for that moment when we can sit down, exhausted, and just relax. I am horribly guilty of this offense. I realized it the other day when I was rushing around to get morning stuff done and it occurred to me that I didn't really have a reason to rush. I had no appointments and I didn't have to get to the office. What was the rush? I am in a unique position right now to take my time and spread tasks out through the day and the week. I don't have to rush around most of the time, but I do anyway. And when I am working, it's even worse. I'm sure you have all heard the Buddhist philosophy of being present in the moment, yet how many of us actually are? We move through the day like zombies, arms outstretched ready to devour the next obligatory moment, then reward ourselves with little reprieves at the end of the day. It's not that surprising that our nerves are a little frayed by Friday.
I often wonder what would become of me if I became a millionaire. I know I would hire people to look after all the things I don't want to do; a cook, a maid, a driver, etc. But what would I actually do with all the extra time? Even I can only spend so much time reading. I would travel a lot but even that would get old after a while. I would like to think that I would spend time doing things that add value like volunteering or setting up charities but I don't really know for sure. I can't imagine that having nothing on your plate but leisure time can be good for our mental and spiritual health. I equate it to the theory that we can't truly know joy if we have never known sorrow. If you never have something to do, you can't possibly appreciate having nothing to do. That being said, I am not a millionaire so I have to work with what I've got.
Seriously. Once a moment has passed, it has passed. You don't get it back. Doesn't it make sense to get the most out of it while it's happening? It's like we are all addicts. We are so focused on our next fix we don't know what is happening right now!
Ok, rant over. It's obvious I am in desperate need of finding my inner Buddha. I am fine with that; there are far worse things in life.
By rushing through my day, I am guaranteeing that I miss out on most of it. The false sense of accomplishment I feel is nothing more than a way to justify the time I need to recuperate from my own insanity. Knowing that 83% of my day is spent doing things that must be done and are an integral part of the human condition (at least in North America), why do I insist on turning them into negative experiences? If I didn't spend most of my day rushing around and treating everything I did like an obligation, would I be as exhausted by 8 pm? I don't think so. I am going to put this to the test. I am going to attempt to bring some awareness into how I spend my day. When I catch myself rushing to get something done, I will stop for a moment, centre myself and carry on with my task. The Buddhists figured this out over 2000 years ago and yet we are still running around like beheaded chickens trying to make sense of it all and catch up with our heads. This is partly frustrating and partly inspiring. Even though I haven't gotten there yet, at least I know it's possible and that gives me hope.
Right now I am staying at home to look after our 6 month old baby. The other morning I got up and immediately starting rushing around. Let the dogs out and feed them, make the baby a bottle, make the 3 year old her morning porridge, eat some toast, make a coffee, do my workout, have a shower.... My day starts as a running list of all the things that have to be done before I can do what I want to do. It struck me that this might be a problem since these are the things that have to be done every day. Making dinner, putting the kids to bed with jammies and stories.....Laundry? All the time. Change the sheets? Every week (ahem). Cut the lawn? Sweep the floors? Clean the bathrooms? Do the dishes? Shop for groceries? The list is endless once you add in paying bills, Dr. and dental appointments, pet care, workouts, travel time, etc. These are the things we have to do that never get done for good. Once you do them, you know they have to be repeated at some time in the near future. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
For many of us, myself included with the exception of this year's maternity leave, this has to be done around our work schedule. I mean, holy crap, no wonder people are so tired and cranky. If you were to divide up the amount of hours for work, sleep, fun and home/family/personal care, I think a typical week would look something like this: Work - 50 hours; Sleep - 49 hours; Family/home/personal - 40; Leisure/fun/relaxation - 29. This means that only 17% of our time is spent doing things that are not obligatory! Just for the record, I am including commute and lunch time in the work hours and workouts in the personal (the fact that staying fit is considered optional is a problem all by itself!). If that's the case and we know that work, sleep and home/family obligations are part of an endless cycle, why do we torment ourselves with the endless drive toward enjoying the things for which we have the least amount of time?
This is where the Buddhists come in. Consider that time spent in a monastery is made up almost completely of sleep, work and meditation. Where is the leisure time? When do the monks get to have fun? The answer is: They are having fun all the time! This is a shocking idea to those of us who go through our day checking off lists and waiting for that moment when we can sit down, exhausted, and just relax. I am horribly guilty of this offense. I realized it the other day when I was rushing around to get morning stuff done and it occurred to me that I didn't really have a reason to rush. I had no appointments and I didn't have to get to the office. What was the rush? I am in a unique position right now to take my time and spread tasks out through the day and the week. I don't have to rush around most of the time, but I do anyway. And when I am working, it's even worse. I'm sure you have all heard the Buddhist philosophy of being present in the moment, yet how many of us actually are? We move through the day like zombies, arms outstretched ready to devour the next obligatory moment, then reward ourselves with little reprieves at the end of the day. It's not that surprising that our nerves are a little frayed by Friday.
I often wonder what would become of me if I became a millionaire. I know I would hire people to look after all the things I don't want to do; a cook, a maid, a driver, etc. But what would I actually do with all the extra time? Even I can only spend so much time reading. I would travel a lot but even that would get old after a while. I would like to think that I would spend time doing things that add value like volunteering or setting up charities but I don't really know for sure. I can't imagine that having nothing on your plate but leisure time can be good for our mental and spiritual health. I equate it to the theory that we can't truly know joy if we have never known sorrow. If you never have something to do, you can't possibly appreciate having nothing to do. That being said, I am not a millionaire so I have to work with what I've got.
Seriously. Once a moment has passed, it has passed. You don't get it back. Doesn't it make sense to get the most out of it while it's happening? It's like we are all addicts. We are so focused on our next fix we don't know what is happening right now!
Ok, rant over. It's obvious I am in desperate need of finding my inner Buddha. I am fine with that; there are far worse things in life.
By rushing through my day, I am guaranteeing that I miss out on most of it. The false sense of accomplishment I feel is nothing more than a way to justify the time I need to recuperate from my own insanity. Knowing that 83% of my day is spent doing things that must be done and are an integral part of the human condition (at least in North America), why do I insist on turning them into negative experiences? If I didn't spend most of my day rushing around and treating everything I did like an obligation, would I be as exhausted by 8 pm? I don't think so. I am going to put this to the test. I am going to attempt to bring some awareness into how I spend my day. When I catch myself rushing to get something done, I will stop for a moment, centre myself and carry on with my task. The Buddhists figured this out over 2000 years ago and yet we are still running around like beheaded chickens trying to make sense of it all and catch up with our heads. This is partly frustrating and partly inspiring. Even though I haven't gotten there yet, at least I know it's possible and that gives me hope.
Friday, 10 June 2011
To Quest or Not To Quest. That is the Question.
Here I am only a few weeks in to the year of me and I am already stuck. I knew going in that I had one major obstacle to overcome and I have already hit it: my own brain. I am a conceptual thinker and I often speak in conceptual language. On more than one occasion in my life I have faced blanks stares and statements such as "I don't really know what you are talking about". My weakness is taking my conceptual thoughts and making them concrete. I can plan the crap out of something but ask me to set quantifiable goals? Ugh. Ask me to explain how I am going to take the idea of the "year of me" and turn it into an experience in real time? Ummm. My hope was that it would just come to me as I went along my merry way but what I realized this week is that without some short term goals, I have nothing to keep me mindful while getting on with the business of my daily life.
I've only just realized that by embarking on this journey, I have created a quest for myself. The problem is that I really don't know what it is I am looking for. How will I know when I have arrived if I don't know where I am going? This whole awareness/attention thing is hard bloody work and the payoff is so subtle; stop paying attention for a second and you've missed it. You know that scene in The Matrix where you discover that Cipher is ready to betray the human race in order to be put back into a life of oblivion? I totally get that. I have said it before and I'll say it again: Awareness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes I wish I was completely naive and oblivious just to get a break from my own brain. I wonder if I can achieve this without a lobotomy. It is like I need to send my brain on a mini-retirement. The problem is that there is no one to look after the place while it's gone. Imagine what would happen if I let my brain go on vacation! Would my heart run amok and get me into all sorts of shenanigans?
What are the drawbacks to having more heart and less head in your life?(Guys: it is a figurative, not a literal question, so don't get too excited). Since my head/heart balance is so out of whack, I can't see a downside. If I were to spend the next month letting my heart run the show it certainly wouldn't be boring. What an utterly romantic idea. It is summer, after all. The perfect time to unleash our hidden passions. It's a win-win for me. My brain gets to go on a Caribbean vacation (avoiding a traumatic surgical procedure) while I stay home and just follow my heart for a while. Sounds like a dream. In fact, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!
Whew! I was really worried there for a while. I honestly didn't know how I was going to keep this year long thing going and I have only been at it for a few weeks! The pressure of wanting to make things more extraordinary but not knowing how was starting to get to me. Now I'm actually looking forward to the next month, mostly because I can't predict what will happen. Since I have decided to turn "the Year of Me" into a quest, I am hoping to have all sorts of adventures and get up to all kinds of shenanigans (there can never be too many shenanigans). I am intrigued by the unpredictability of it all. This is going to be fun!
I've only just realized that by embarking on this journey, I have created a quest for myself. The problem is that I really don't know what it is I am looking for. How will I know when I have arrived if I don't know where I am going? This whole awareness/attention thing is hard bloody work and the payoff is so subtle; stop paying attention for a second and you've missed it. You know that scene in The Matrix where you discover that Cipher is ready to betray the human race in order to be put back into a life of oblivion? I totally get that. I have said it before and I'll say it again: Awareness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes I wish I was completely naive and oblivious just to get a break from my own brain. I wonder if I can achieve this without a lobotomy. It is like I need to send my brain on a mini-retirement. The problem is that there is no one to look after the place while it's gone. Imagine what would happen if I let my brain go on vacation! Would my heart run amok and get me into all sorts of shenanigans?
What are the drawbacks to having more heart and less head in your life?(Guys: it is a figurative, not a literal question, so don't get too excited). Since my head/heart balance is so out of whack, I can't see a downside. If I were to spend the next month letting my heart run the show it certainly wouldn't be boring. What an utterly romantic idea. It is summer, after all. The perfect time to unleash our hidden passions. It's a win-win for me. My brain gets to go on a Caribbean vacation (avoiding a traumatic surgical procedure) while I stay home and just follow my heart for a while. Sounds like a dream. In fact, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!
Whew! I was really worried there for a while. I honestly didn't know how I was going to keep this year long thing going and I have only been at it for a few weeks! The pressure of wanting to make things more extraordinary but not knowing how was starting to get to me. Now I'm actually looking forward to the next month, mostly because I can't predict what will happen. Since I have decided to turn "the Year of Me" into a quest, I am hoping to have all sorts of adventures and get up to all kinds of shenanigans (there can never be too many shenanigans). I am intrigued by the unpredictability of it all. This is going to be fun!
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Is there such a thing as being too optimistic?
Last December was my Grandma's 89th birthday. One of my cousins asked her if she would like to have a big party. She responded "No, that's ok. We'll have one next year for my 90th." I know what you are thinking. This lady has it right; she gets full credit for her optimism. It begs the question, though: Is she being overly optimistic? An even better question is, why not celebrate now? We could have an almost 90 birthday bash. Her life isn't any less valuable this year for reaching 90 than it was last year for reaching 89.
When I heard this story I was prompted to think about all the things in my life I haven't celebrated either because I was anticipating the next phase/step or because it just seemed too small; there was always something bigger to come along. The last time I checked, there is no Biblical footnote that says you only have a finite number of celebrations in your life so make them count! Why don't we celebrate every achievement no matter the size? If it's a significant and noteworthy achievement, go big; if it is small and personal, celebrate it in a small and personal way. Hell, celebrate it however you bloody well want!
Last weekend we had a garage sale. We made about $100 and got rid of 10 boxes full of stuff we didn't need or want anymore. Even though the day was exhausting and we didn't make a fortune, we made ourselves some tropical drinks and BBQd some steaks in recognition of having achieved something we had been talking about for 5 years. We both dreaded it but we finally did it. Margaritas, here we come.
I have been anticipating my 40th birthday for a couple of years now. Ask anyone close to me and they will tell you that I have had this planned out. 40 doesn't scare me, I am excited to start a new chapter in my life. It feels like when I turned 40 I had the Universe's permission to pursue the life I really want. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner! Why did I wait? Why did I need permission? My life wasn't any less valuable at 39 than it is today. How many celebrations could I have had over the last 40 years but didn't because they weren't noteworthy? Got your kids to bed on time for the first time in a week? That's worth a high 5 and a few episodes of Sex and the City! I might even create a star chart for myself like I have for my kids. A star for everything I do (even if I'm supposed to do it, anyway) and use those stars to reward myself with the things I love. Not to say I need to keep track to reward myself, I know I work hard; but keeping track will remind me to stay balanced. If I have accumulated 100 gold stars but haven't gone to a movie in a month, something is very wrong! It means I have stopped paying attention and that I am falling tragically behind what's happening on the Big Screen. Gasp!
I don't know anyone who doesn't have a story about a person who worked hard and saved, did very little adventuring and traveling (or whatever was really important to them) all in the name of the retirement payday only to have it swept out from under them by illness, boredom, depression or just physical limitations. Ack! A lifetime of all work and no play are down the drain because they put off celebrating until it was too late. I'm not saying I haven't planned for my future, I am just saying I refuse to put all my eggs in the future basket. Since my 89th birthday wasn't guaranteed to me at birth, I am choosing to live by my grandma's wisdom and "S*** or get off the pot." You don't have to be an optimist to know that those are words to live by. I love you, Gram.
When I heard this story I was prompted to think about all the things in my life I haven't celebrated either because I was anticipating the next phase/step or because it just seemed too small; there was always something bigger to come along. The last time I checked, there is no Biblical footnote that says you only have a finite number of celebrations in your life so make them count! Why don't we celebrate every achievement no matter the size? If it's a significant and noteworthy achievement, go big; if it is small and personal, celebrate it in a small and personal way. Hell, celebrate it however you bloody well want!
Last weekend we had a garage sale. We made about $100 and got rid of 10 boxes full of stuff we didn't need or want anymore. Even though the day was exhausting and we didn't make a fortune, we made ourselves some tropical drinks and BBQd some steaks in recognition of having achieved something we had been talking about for 5 years. We both dreaded it but we finally did it. Margaritas, here we come.
I have been anticipating my 40th birthday for a couple of years now. Ask anyone close to me and they will tell you that I have had this planned out. 40 doesn't scare me, I am excited to start a new chapter in my life. It feels like when I turned 40 I had the Universe's permission to pursue the life I really want. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner! Why did I wait? Why did I need permission? My life wasn't any less valuable at 39 than it is today. How many celebrations could I have had over the last 40 years but didn't because they weren't noteworthy? Got your kids to bed on time for the first time in a week? That's worth a high 5 and a few episodes of Sex and the City! I might even create a star chart for myself like I have for my kids. A star for everything I do (even if I'm supposed to do it, anyway) and use those stars to reward myself with the things I love. Not to say I need to keep track to reward myself, I know I work hard; but keeping track will remind me to stay balanced. If I have accumulated 100 gold stars but haven't gone to a movie in a month, something is very wrong! It means I have stopped paying attention and that I am falling tragically behind what's happening on the Big Screen. Gasp!
I don't know anyone who doesn't have a story about a person who worked hard and saved, did very little adventuring and traveling (or whatever was really important to them) all in the name of the retirement payday only to have it swept out from under them by illness, boredom, depression or just physical limitations. Ack! A lifetime of all work and no play are down the drain because they put off celebrating until it was too late. I'm not saying I haven't planned for my future, I am just saying I refuse to put all my eggs in the future basket. Since my 89th birthday wasn't guaranteed to me at birth, I am choosing to live by my grandma's wisdom and "S*** or get off the pot." You don't have to be an optimist to know that those are words to live by. I love you, Gram.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
The Big Day
Today is my 40th birthday and the first day of the "Year of Me". This was supposed to be my opening line for my first post but true to form, it is now 4 days after my birthday and this is the first time I have had a moment to myself! Admittedly, it's not a great start to "The Year of Me" but I have no intention of giving up. If nothing else, this serves as a reminder to be ever vigilant in my quest to take my 40th year and turn it into something extraordinary.
I know, this is a big claim and I will put it into perspective for you. I am a mother of 3 daughters and a wife of 11 years so just committing to this blog adds extra value to my life. I don't plan to join the Peace Corps and save lives or anything; I'm hoping over the next year to learn how to transform the mundane into the extraordinary in my daily life.
My husband threw me an amazing 40th birthday bash. We got dressed up, had a bartender and a sophisticated drink menu - martinis and Painkllers - mmmmmmm. Whenever someone would ask me what my plan was for the next year, I would relay this story from earlier that day.
I decided to book myself some spa services to get out of the house and let my husband do his thing in preparation for the party. I wanted a pedicure because I love them, then ended up adding a manicure, massage and hair styling. When I got home, all I had to do was throw on a dress and look fabulous. Each different person I saw at the spa asked me if someone had bought the treatments for me as a birthday gift. Each time I responded with the same answer "No, I booked it myself." I got a variety of responses from surprise to approval but it made me realize that I have spent too many years waiting for someone else to figure out what I want and give it to me. It's time to take matters into my own hands and make things happen for myself.
"The Year of Me" is not about material things or being selfish, it's about making time for the things and people I love, recognizing the things that bring me joy and pursuing them with full vigor, celebrating my life and all it's minutia, opening myself up to the important relationships in my life and becoming more vulnerable and most importantly for me, embracing the unexpected (not my forte). Don't get me wrong, if I see a great pair of shoes that I can't live without (and there is money in the bank) I will get them. What I will also do, though, is stop buying or doing things that aren't exactly what I want. I would rather go without than spend a penny on something just because it will suffice. Ugh. I would rather have someone respect me for my integrity and authenticity than be liked for being someone that I'm not.
My goal for this first month is to recognize how I have turned my own life into a chore. Have you ever noticed how many times you use the following phrases:
"I have to....."
"I need to....."
"I just...."
I have marginalized my own life through my language and I realize that this will be how my 3 year old learns to see the world. Time to make a change. I don't know if anyone out there finds themselves using these phrases a lot but here is my plan. I will replace them with these gems:
"I am going to..."
"I will....."
"I intend to...."
Sounds corny, I know, but corny and cheesy are part of what I plan to embrace over the next year. They add some much needed humour and relief from the tension of being alive. In fact, I may actually test the boundaries and see how far I can push myself and the people around me to embrace the cheese and corn in their lives. I'm talking about more than just listening to Journey when no one is around. I am going to openly celebrate all the things I secretly love but don't want anyone to know about. Like McDonald's. I know it's really bad for me but I have to eat there! It's a compulsion and the fries make me happy. I make up for it by working out with Jillian Michaels. She's another one of my secret loves. I can't get enough of her! While I am in the mood for confessions, I also love Sci Fi, rap music, Jane Austen and Michael Jackson. I also discovered this year that I love detective novels. I think I owe it all to "Castle". I will mull that one over while reading my next Michael Connelly novel.
In closing and celebration of my first blog post and anticipation of what the next year will bring I have compiled a short list of corny songs to get me through the week. Feel free to add your own, they will go into my playlist.
"Africa" - Toto
"Babe" - Styx
"Delta Dawn" - Helen Ready
"Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey
"Every Rose Has Its Thorn" - Poison
"Girlfriend in a Coma" - the Smiths
"Glory of Love" - Peter Cetera
"I've Never Been to Me" - Charlene
"The Living Years" - Mike and the Mechanics
"More Than a Feeling" - Boston
"Never Surrender" - Corey Hart
"Sailing" - Christopher Cross
"To Be with You" - Mr. Big
"You Raise Me Up" - Josh Groban
I wish I had some clever parting thought but I don't. This next year will be a journey for me and this post is my very first step. I am excited and anxious but more than anything, I am curious about where this road will take me.
I know, this is a big claim and I will put it into perspective for you. I am a mother of 3 daughters and a wife of 11 years so just committing to this blog adds extra value to my life. I don't plan to join the Peace Corps and save lives or anything; I'm hoping over the next year to learn how to transform the mundane into the extraordinary in my daily life.
My husband threw me an amazing 40th birthday bash. We got dressed up, had a bartender and a sophisticated drink menu - martinis and Painkllers - mmmmmmm. Whenever someone would ask me what my plan was for the next year, I would relay this story from earlier that day.
I decided to book myself some spa services to get out of the house and let my husband do his thing in preparation for the party. I wanted a pedicure because I love them, then ended up adding a manicure, massage and hair styling. When I got home, all I had to do was throw on a dress and look fabulous. Each different person I saw at the spa asked me if someone had bought the treatments for me as a birthday gift. Each time I responded with the same answer "No, I booked it myself." I got a variety of responses from surprise to approval but it made me realize that I have spent too many years waiting for someone else to figure out what I want and give it to me. It's time to take matters into my own hands and make things happen for myself.
"The Year of Me" is not about material things or being selfish, it's about making time for the things and people I love, recognizing the things that bring me joy and pursuing them with full vigor, celebrating my life and all it's minutia, opening myself up to the important relationships in my life and becoming more vulnerable and most importantly for me, embracing the unexpected (not my forte). Don't get me wrong, if I see a great pair of shoes that I can't live without (and there is money in the bank) I will get them. What I will also do, though, is stop buying or doing things that aren't exactly what I want. I would rather go without than spend a penny on something just because it will suffice. Ugh. I would rather have someone respect me for my integrity and authenticity than be liked for being someone that I'm not.
My goal for this first month is to recognize how I have turned my own life into a chore. Have you ever noticed how many times you use the following phrases:
"I have to....."
"I need to....."
"I just...."
I have marginalized my own life through my language and I realize that this will be how my 3 year old learns to see the world. Time to make a change. I don't know if anyone out there finds themselves using these phrases a lot but here is my plan. I will replace them with these gems:
"I am going to..."
"I will....."
"I intend to...."
Sounds corny, I know, but corny and cheesy are part of what I plan to embrace over the next year. They add some much needed humour and relief from the tension of being alive. In fact, I may actually test the boundaries and see how far I can push myself and the people around me to embrace the cheese and corn in their lives. I'm talking about more than just listening to Journey when no one is around. I am going to openly celebrate all the things I secretly love but don't want anyone to know about. Like McDonald's. I know it's really bad for me but I have to eat there! It's a compulsion and the fries make me happy. I make up for it by working out with Jillian Michaels. She's another one of my secret loves. I can't get enough of her! While I am in the mood for confessions, I also love Sci Fi, rap music, Jane Austen and Michael Jackson. I also discovered this year that I love detective novels. I think I owe it all to "Castle". I will mull that one over while reading my next Michael Connelly novel.
In closing and celebration of my first blog post and anticipation of what the next year will bring I have compiled a short list of corny songs to get me through the week. Feel free to add your own, they will go into my playlist.
"Africa" - Toto
"Babe" - Styx
"Delta Dawn" - Helen Ready
"Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey
"Every Rose Has Its Thorn" - Poison
"Girlfriend in a Coma" - the Smiths
"Glory of Love" - Peter Cetera
"I've Never Been to Me" - Charlene
"The Living Years" - Mike and the Mechanics
"More Than a Feeling" - Boston
"Never Surrender" - Corey Hart
"Sailing" - Christopher Cross
"To Be with You" - Mr. Big
"You Raise Me Up" - Josh Groban
I wish I had some clever parting thought but I don't. This next year will be a journey for me and this post is my very first step. I am excited and anxious but more than anything, I am curious about where this road will take me.
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