Why Buddhists Have It Right

I had an epiphany this week. These are always a special treat but this week in particular got me thinking about the things in our lives we have to do.

Right now I am staying at home to look after our 6 month old baby. The other morning I got up and immediately starting rushing around. Let the dogs out and feed them, make the baby a bottle, make the 3 year old her morning porridge, eat some toast, make a coffee, do my workout, have a shower.... My day starts as a running list of all the things that have to be done before I can do what I want to do. It struck me that this might be a problem since these are the things that have to be done every day. Making dinner, putting the kids to bed with jammies and stories.....Laundry? All the time. Change the sheets? Every week (ahem). Cut the lawn? Sweep the floors? Clean the bathrooms? Do the dishes? Shop for groceries? The list is endless once you add in paying bills, Dr. and dental appointments, pet care, workouts, travel time, etc. These are the things we have to do that never get done for good. Once you do them, you know they have to be repeated at some time in the near future. I am exhausted just thinking about it.

For many of us, myself included with the exception of this year's maternity leave, this has to be done around our work schedule. I mean, holy crap, no wonder people are so tired and cranky. If you were to divide up the amount of hours for work, sleep, fun and home/family/personal care, I think a typical week would look something like this: Work - 50 hours; Sleep - 49 hours; Family/home/personal - 40; Leisure/fun/relaxation - 29. This means that only 17% of our time is spent doing things that are not obligatory! Just for the record, I am including commute and lunch time in the work hours and workouts in the personal (the fact that staying fit is considered optional is a problem all by itself!). If that's the case and we know that work, sleep and home/family obligations are part of an endless cycle, why do we torment ourselves with the endless drive toward enjoying the things for which we have the least amount of time?

This is where the Buddhists come in. Consider that time spent in a monastery is made up almost completely of sleep, work and meditation. Where is the leisure time? When do the monks get to have fun? The answer is: They are having fun all the time! This is a shocking idea to those of us who go through our day checking off lists and waiting for that moment when we can sit down, exhausted, and just relax. I am horribly guilty of this offense. I realized it the other day when I was rushing around to get morning stuff done and it occurred to me that I didn't really have a reason to rush. I had no appointments and I didn't have to get to the office. What was the rush? I am in a unique position right now to take my time and spread tasks out through the day and the week. I don't have to rush around most of the time, but I do anyway. And when I am working, it's even worse. I'm sure you have all heard the Buddhist philosophy of being present in the moment, yet how many of us actually are? We move through the day like zombies, arms outstretched ready to devour the next obligatory moment, then reward ourselves with little reprieves at the end of the day. It's not that surprising that our nerves are a little frayed by Friday.

I often wonder what would become of me if I became a millionaire. I know I would hire people to look after all the things I don't want to do; a cook, a maid, a driver, etc. But what would I actually do with all the extra time? Even I can only spend so much time reading. I would travel a lot but even that would get old after a while. I would like to think that I would spend time doing things that add value like volunteering or setting up charities  but I don't really know for sure. I can't imagine that having nothing on your plate but leisure time can be good for our mental and spiritual health. I equate it to the theory that we can't truly know joy if we have never known sorrow. If you never have something to do, you can't possibly appreciate having nothing to do. That being said, I am not a millionaire so I have to work with what I've got.

Seriously. Once a moment has passed, it has passed. You don't get it back. Doesn't it make sense to get the most out of it while it's happening? It's like we are all addicts. We are so focused on our next fix we don't know what is happening right now!

Ok, rant over. It's obvious I am in desperate need of finding my inner Buddha. I am fine with that; there are far worse things in life.

By rushing through my day, I am guaranteeing that I miss out on most of it. The false sense of accomplishment I feel is nothing more than a way to justify the time I need to recuperate from my own insanity. Knowing that 83% of my day is spent doing things that must be done and are an integral part of the human condition (at least in North America), why do I insist on turning them into negative experiences? If I didn't spend most of my day rushing around and treating everything I did like an obligation, would I be  as exhausted by 8 pm? I don't think so. I am going to put this to the test. I am going to attempt to bring some awareness into how I spend my day. When I catch myself rushing to get something done, I will stop for a moment, centre myself and carry on with my task. The Buddhists figured this out over 2000 years ago and yet we are still running around like beheaded chickens trying to make sense of it all and catch up with our heads. This is partly frustrating and partly inspiring. Even though I haven't gotten there yet, at least I know it's possible and that gives me hope.

To Quest or Not To Quest. That is the Question.

Here I am only a few weeks in to the year of me and I am already stuck. I knew going in that I had one major obstacle to overcome and I have already hit it: my own brain. I am a conceptual thinker and I often speak in conceptual language. On more than one occasion in my life I have faced blanks stares and statements such as "I don't really know what you are talking about". My weakness is taking my conceptual thoughts and making them concrete. I can plan the crap out of something but ask me to set quantifiable goals? Ugh. Ask me to explain how I am going to take the idea of the "year of me" and turn it into an experience in real time? Ummm. My hope was that it would just come to me as I went along my merry way but what I realized this week is that without some short term goals, I have nothing to keep me mindful while getting on with the business of my daily life.

I've only just realized that by embarking on this journey, I have created a quest for myself. The problem is that I really don't know what it is I am looking for. How will I know when I have arrived if I don't know where I am going? This whole awareness/attention thing is hard bloody work and the payoff is so subtle; stop paying attention for a second and you've missed it. You  know that scene in The Matrix where you discover that Cipher is ready to betray the human race in order to be put back into a life of oblivion? I totally get that. I have said it before and I'll say it again: Awareness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes I wish I was completely naive and oblivious just to get a break from my own brain. I wonder if I can achieve this without a lobotomy. It is like I need to send my brain on a mini-retirement. The problem is that there is no one to look after the place while it's gone. Imagine what would happen if I let my brain go on vacation! Would my heart run amok and get me into all sorts of shenanigans?

What are the drawbacks to having more heart and less head in your life?(Guys: it is a figurative, not a literal question, so don't get too excited). Since my head/heart balance is so out of whack, I can't see a downside. If I were to spend the next month letting my heart run the show it certainly wouldn't be boring. What an utterly romantic idea. It is summer, after all. The perfect time to unleash our hidden passions. It's a win-win for me. My brain gets to go on a Caribbean vacation (avoiding a traumatic surgical procedure) while I stay home and just follow my heart for a while. Sounds like a dream. In fact, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!

Whew! I was really worried there for a while. I honestly didn't know how I was going to keep this year long thing going and I have only been at it for a few weeks! The pressure of wanting to make things more extraordinary but not knowing how was starting to get to me. Now I'm actually looking forward to the next month, mostly because I can't predict what will happen. Since I have decided to turn "the Year of Me" into a quest, I am hoping to have all sorts of adventures and get up to all kinds of shenanigans (there can never be too many shenanigans). I am intrigued by the unpredictability of it all. This is going to be fun!

Is there such a thing as being too optimistic?

Last December was my Grandma's 89th birthday. One of my cousins asked her if she would like to have a big party. She responded "No, that's ok. We'll have one next year for my 90th." I know what you are thinking. This lady has it right; she gets full credit for her optimism. It begs the question, though: Is she being overly optimistic? An even better question is, why not celebrate now? We could have an almost 90 birthday bash. Her life isn't any less valuable this year for reaching 90 than it was last year for reaching 89.

When I heard this story I was prompted to think about all the things in my life I haven't celebrated either because I was anticipating the next phase/step or because it just seemed too small; there was always something bigger to come along. The last time I checked, there is no Biblical footnote that says you only have a finite number of celebrations in your life so make them count! Why don't we celebrate every achievement no matter the size? If it's a significant and noteworthy achievement, go big; if it is small and personal, celebrate it in a small and personal way. Hell, celebrate it however you bloody well want!

Last weekend we had a garage sale. We made about $100 and got rid of 10 boxes full of stuff we didn't need or want anymore. Even though the day was exhausting and we didn't make a fortune, we made ourselves some tropical drinks and BBQd some steaks in recognition of having achieved something we had been talking about for 5 years. We both dreaded it but we finally did it. Margaritas, here we come.

I have been anticipating my 40th birthday for a couple of years now. Ask anyone close to me and they will tell you that I have had this planned out. 40 doesn't scare me, I am excited to start a new chapter in my life. It feels like when I turned 40 I had the Universe's permission to pursue the life I really want. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner! Why did I wait? Why did I need permission? My life wasn't any less valuable at 39 than it is today. How many celebrations could I have had over the last 40 years but didn't because they weren't noteworthy? Got your kids to bed on time for the first time in a week? That's worth a high 5 and a few episodes of Sex and the City! I might even create a star chart for myself like I have for my kids. A star for everything I do (even if I'm supposed to do it, anyway) and use those stars to reward myself with the things I love. Not to say I need to keep track to reward myself, I know I work hard; but keeping track will remind me to stay balanced. If I have accumulated 100 gold stars but haven't gone to a movie in a month, something is very wrong! It means I have stopped paying attention and that I am falling tragically behind what's happening on the Big Screen. Gasp!

I don't know anyone who doesn't have a story about a person who worked hard and saved, did very little adventuring and traveling (or whatever was really important to them) all in the name of the retirement payday only to have it swept out from under them by illness, boredom, depression or just physical limitations. Ack! A lifetime of all work and no play are down the drain because they put off celebrating until it was too late. I'm not saying I haven't planned for my future, I am just saying I refuse to put all my eggs in the future basket. Since my 89th birthday wasn't guaranteed to me at birth, I am choosing to live by my grandma's wisdom and "S*** or get off the pot." You don't have to be an optimist to know that those are words to live by. I love you, Gram.