Here I am only a few weeks in to the year of me and I am already stuck. I knew going in that I had one major obstacle to overcome and I have already hit it: my own brain. I am a conceptual thinker and I often speak in conceptual language. On more than one occasion in my life I have faced blanks stares and statements such as "I don't really know what you are talking about". My weakness is taking my conceptual thoughts and making them concrete. I can plan the crap out of something but ask me to set quantifiable goals? Ugh. Ask me to explain how I am going to take the idea of the "year of me" and turn it into an experience in real time? Ummm. My hope was that it would just come to me as I went along my merry way but what I realized this week is that without some short term goals, I have nothing to keep me mindful while getting on with the business of my daily life.
I've only just realized that by embarking on this journey, I have created a quest for myself. The problem is that I really don't know what it is I am looking for. How will I know when I have arrived if I don't know where I am going? This whole awareness/attention thing is hard bloody work and the payoff is so subtle; stop paying attention for a second and you've missed it. You know that scene in The Matrix where you discover that Cipher is ready to betray the human race in order to be put back into a life of oblivion? I totally get that. I have said it before and I'll say it again: Awareness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes I wish I was completely naive and oblivious just to get a break from my own brain. I wonder if I can achieve this without a lobotomy. It is like I need to send my brain on a mini-retirement. The problem is that there is no one to look after the place while it's gone. Imagine what would happen if I let my brain go on vacation! Would my heart run amok and get me into all sorts of shenanigans?
What are the drawbacks to having more heart and less head in your life?(Guys: it is a figurative, not a literal question, so don't get too excited). Since my head/heart balance is so out of whack, I can't see a downside. If I were to spend the next month letting my heart run the show it certainly wouldn't be boring. What an utterly romantic idea. It is summer, after all. The perfect time to unleash our hidden passions. It's a win-win for me. My brain gets to go on a Caribbean vacation (avoiding a traumatic surgical procedure) while I stay home and just follow my heart for a while. Sounds like a dream. In fact, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!
Whew! I was really worried there for a while. I honestly didn't know how I was going to keep this year long thing going and I have only been at it for a few weeks! The pressure of wanting to make things more extraordinary but not knowing how was starting to get to me. Now I'm actually looking forward to the next month, mostly because I can't predict what will happen. Since I have decided to turn "the Year of Me" into a quest, I am hoping to have all sorts of adventures and get up to all kinds of shenanigans (there can never be too many shenanigans). I am intrigued by the unpredictability of it all. This is going to be fun!
good one nich. most of the time our lives are filled with the mundane and the status quo. if every moment was extraordinary, we would soon become desensitized to it all. the mundane can be extremely attractive mixed with moments of chaos and error and misjudgment and uncertainty (of course those moments make for good stories later:). keep on questing nich,i am excited to follow your heart as it runs amok.
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